As many of you know this past month my Dad suffered a stroke. We spent 22 days in the hospital. As I sat with my Dad during this time there were a lot of things that went through my mind. Some of those things you will hear about and some of them are totally off limits.(the man walking down the hall pushing the iv stand with his backside showing) There are also some things that Dad and I will keep our little secret. Anyway, here is one of those thoughts: WILL YOU LOVE ME IF???????
1. I talk to much. (Poor Dad, he couldn't find his words so I told him everything I knew then some. I hate there to be silence)
2. I gain weight.(there is never a time that I can't eat)
3. My hair turns gray or loose.
4. I can't remember where I put your car keys.
5. My filter is no longer working on my mouth.(I am not sure I ever had one)
6. I spend all your money.
7. I am crazier then a Looney Bird.(love me some happy pills)
8. I ask a million questions. (This is one of my spiritual gifts)
9. I let your children eat chocolate cake for breakfast when they stay with me
10. I become very sick , can not do anything for myself, do not recognize you.
As I walked the halls of the hospital while Dad was napping I noticed a lady who never had a visitor. She laid in her bed never moving never opening her eyes. I began wonder if she was loved? Had she been abandoned? One Sunday afternoon as I passed by her room I saw a man remove his cowboy hat and set down beside her bed. He said,"how are you doing mom?" There was no response. She had had a stroke and was no longer the mom he knew. He sat with her a good long while. My heart broke for this family and I started to internalize. Will I end up like this? Will my family still love me when my time comes?
I am very blessed to be apart of a big family. Dad had someone with him 24/7. He probably got tired of us all telling him what to do. But he knew we did it out of love. Now that he is home we all keep the phone line busy.
Sometimes I ask my heavenly father that question "Will you love me if???" If I struggle with my personality. If I am going through a dry spell in my spiritual walk. Father will you still love me if something hard comes into my life and everyone else leaves will you still love me? I feel like when I get into these serious moments God rolls his eyes and thinks here she goes again lets put her straight.
For God so loved ME that he gave his only son that whoever believes on him should not die but have ever lasting life. John 3;16
I know without a doubt that he loves me. He gave his son for me. He has proved it over and over again. I know that he is walking beside me everyday laying out a coarse for my life. (my coarse goes zigzag sometimes) I also know that there is not any circumstance in my life that would cause him to not love me.When the hard time comes and the people all leave he will still be there.