Whoa!!!!!! Hold the boat there. None of this was God's doing. This was all on me. I believe we could call it pride, arrogance, self-petty and lies. I have learned that when you put all those things away and start looking at what wonderful things God has put into your life the leaky pipes begin to stop their dripping. For example: I may be older (my birthday today) but look at all the life experiences God has given me. The realization has hit me that I have a Great God and He loves me gab and all. I know now that I had let the lies steal my joy. As I climbed into the Father's lap and let my sad song sing he gave me a promise.
However, as it is written: "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard and what no human mind has conceived" these things God has prepared for those who love him." 1Cor 2:9
God has planned a life for me that is far more then I could ever perceive. As long as I love Him and I stop focusing on me then I will see his mighty hand work for His glory not mine. Give up the Kleenex people and put your focus where it needs to be. "LOVE HIM"